A Very Severus Christmas
by zenni
Summary: How does Severus celebrate Christmas?


**Severus' Typical Christmas**

_**Summary:**__ How does Severus celebrate Christmas?_

_A/N: Severus never really struck me as the type to celebrate Christmas, but I'd imagine that Albus Dumbledore would try his hardest to inject a little holiday spirit into him! This is how I imagine Christmas time at Hogwarts._

Severus Snape simply did not _do_ Christmas, and had never been one for making merry and had given up trying to understand the joy of giving presents. No, instead Severus liked to sit by the fire with a glass of the finest elf-made wine and plot the ruination of the headmaster and his thrice-damned, humiliating Christmas traditions. This behaviour was thought to have stemmed from his childhood, and sadly Severus had never really had any reason to celebrate the time of year; for him, December 25th was just another day, although he unfortunately had to spend it surrounded by disgustingly happy people.

As the chief Christmas humbug-in-residence, Severus felt it was his solemn duty to thwart Albus' festivities and basically make the entire staff miserable like himself. It was Severus' little way of displaying his unhappiness, and with Peeves' help, he had already managed to convince the suits of armour to sing rude and derogatory songs instead of their usual carols as well as successfully corrupt the cherubs that had previously been innocently floating near the ceiling of the Great Hall, looking pretty.

No matter how hard he tried, however, Severus knew that Albus would ultimately have his way and that it was humanly impossible to stop him from celebrating in his own style. When there were no students around, there would always be a sumptuous Christmas feast, with mounds of moist turkey, fragrant stuffing, golden roasted potatoes, pigs in blankets, crunchy roasted parsnips, red cranberry sauce, Yorkshire puddings, Brussels sprouts and thick gravy. This was to be followed by a flaming Christmas pudding served with deliciously creamy custard and a side helping of brandy butter, all washed down with copious amounts of sherry.

The downside was Albus' insistence on pulling crackers and the subsequent telling of inane jokes and the enforced wearing of silly paper hats. A few competitive rounds of parlour games such as charades would soon follow, with staff members playing in House teams, followed by numerous drinking games. By the end of the day, events would usually take a turn for the worse, and drunken karaoke was a firm favourite amongst the witches on the staff, to the dismay of all who were sober enough to witness and remember the tragic so-called 'singing'. Madame Hooch and Professor Sprout were always sure to join in, usually with their subsequently ear-splitting God-awful renditions of 'It's Raining Men' and 'Can't Live (If Living Is Without You)', both of which Severus had heard so many times that he knew every note.

Albus also managed every year to force all staff members to partake in a Secret Santa gift exchange, which would take place before lunch. Being the social butterfly that he was, Severus naturally protested against this, and every year his argument was met with a stern talking-to from Albus, ordering him to 'let his hair down' and enjoy himself for once. Therefore it was always with bad grace that Severus partook in the tradition, and every year he gave the same gift, regardless of the intended recipient.

This year was no different, and Severus dutifully reached into his wardrobe to find the hidden box on the bottom shelf, which was full to bursting with old red house bricks, specifically for this purpose. He plucked the nearest one and dumped it in a plastic bin liner, and finished off the look with an unsightly bow and label that Albus was adamant that everyone had to add to their gifts.

Slowly he made his way to join the rest of the staff in the travesty of the gift exchange, knowing that he'd have to make polite and try to smile when he received his or suffer Albus' wrath, but he smirked with the knowledge that at least one amongst their number would receive something useful, if unwanted. In return, as usual, Severus received a pair of black woollen socks, no doubt to add to his ever growing pile of identical socks, never to be actually worn. With a deep sigh, Severus readied himself for the rest of the day, aiming to eat as much as possible, get completely drunk and hopefully pass out before Madame Hooch had the chance to begin her karaoke nightmare.


End file.
